Born in a country where women were conditioned to stay at home, take care of house duties, the children and everyone else, a lot of women were conditioned to not use their skills and ambition, skills that could have changed the world and made it a better place. We normally use the term “equality”, but are we really free and equal? Do we call it freedom or equality where young women like me are still scared to walk down the street because of the fear of being killed?

The South Africa that we are now living in is scary and full of cruelty. Being a woman has become a crime, my existence threatens a lot of men. It is scary! As if when I walk, I have a tag title saying “kill me”. I always ask this question to the men (if I find myself in the same room as them), “Am I threat to you? Do I scare you? Do I trigger emotions in you?” I always ask these questions for my safety, to ensure that I do not do anything that could upset the other gender, and so that I may survive the space that I’m currently in. It is scary that as women we have to apologise to the male species for being alive and we have to apologise to them for their evil behaviour and character that is really uncalled for.

As a country, we need to stop normalising the killing of women and the abuse that men are currently perpetrating. We need to start changing the justice system and make sure it provides the required services to the victims. As a gender-based violence victim, I found my voice and spoke up about the incident that occurred in 2018. At first, I felt ashamed, embarrassed, worthless and I felt like my existence was useless because I had allowed him to do that to me and I was in disbelief that he did that to me and that is the reason why I kept quiet about it and never said a word to anyone, since I felt like no one could believe me because everybody knows the good side that he portrays to them, so the evil side that I had witnessed was going to be a shock to everybody.

What I did not realise is that me being quiet truly brought a lot of damage in my life. My hate for the opposite gender increased. I was never at peace with anyone or myself. My anger grew towards everybody. My interactions with people become vague and I never had the interest in conversing with them because I felt like people knew my deepest scar through my walks and conversing with them will truly be the approval of the story.

The day I decided to take my voice back was when I was in a dialogue hosted by different women of different walks of life. They started sharing their story and that is when I realised that women go through a lot of pain and some of them die with those scars that hurt them and some die in the hand of the people that trust and love them, in the hands of their partners, parents uncles and trusted family and friends. This woman gave me hope that there is something to live for in life despite the scars that we hide deep down. They mentored me and helped me to regain my strength, worth and self-esteem. They taught me how to love myself again and also how to forgive myself and the person that inflicted the damage in my life

To all South African women and women all over the globe, I believe that you are stronger than you seem, wiser than you believe and smarter than you think. We have conquered a lot of battles and the pain that we go through either through menstruation, labour pain and the figuring out of motherhood have truly made us be strong and be the Mbokodos that we are. Never let anyone tell you that you are not strong, never let anyone restrict you from doing anything that will enhance your future and be the voice to free the current generation from the bondage of gender-based violence, and be the voice that offers hope, love, and comfort to the younger women in your area. 

United we stand and we can conquer all the challenges that may be thrown towards us, but if we are divided the world will continue to belittle us. May we be the women that will change the world and truly be the game changers. As the current Miss South Africa would say, the revolution has begun and it truly has…